I did my laundry today for the first time in two weeks. Usually that wouldn’t seem like such a long time (one of the perks of being an overpacker when I came to college—I’ve lots of clothes to pick from), but for some reason this time it just seemed like I couldn’t put it off any longer. My unkempt room and filled-to-the-brim laundry bag constantly beckoned to me as I sat in class and as I got ready for bed each night. My room remained in its messy state as I struggled with self-control, mentally persuading myself, Tomorrow. I’ll clean it all tomorrow. After about a week of ‘tomorrows’ I finally gave in. Interestingly enough, as a self-diagnosed germaphobe, I ain’t a neatfreak.
It’s amazing the things we put off. I’ve yet to start on my resume for a fellowship application, I haven’t started my visual analysis for an art history essay due Wednesday, and my room (though a little bit better now) is still in a state that makes me look hypocritical for making visitors take off their shoes when they enter. Thank God for grace. Really. The other day when I was doing my devotionals in the morning, I read a verse in Job that really struck me. Job’s in the middle of his righteous indignation against his “friends” who are giving him really bad advice, insisting that Job must have sinned or all of this bad stuff wouldn’t be happening to him. I was just reading the passage silently when suddenly a verse jumped out at me.
Job 29:4 “Oh for the days when I was in my prime, when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house…”
For some reason, the phrase “God’s intimate friendship” stuck with me for the rest of the day. Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time with my friends, trying to check in more often and to get to know them more deeply. This involves mealtimes, study parties, and random conversations that occur late at night when I probably could have been working on papers.
Praise God for friendship, and godly friendship at that. But I realized that for all of the time I spend becoming more intimate with my human friends, I don’t feel that I spend as much effort and focused time with my Savior, who, according to this verse in Job (and many others), is clearly available for “intimate friendship.” I wonder why this is. I trust God wholeheartedly, I know He has a perfect plan for my life, and last year He really manifested Himself in my life as my Daddy-God. But somehow, I still find it hard to set aside time to fellowship with Him. What does it mean to fellowship with God? I pray often and talk to Him during the day, but it just doesn’t feel the same as when I’m having a conversation over a meal with someone, or when I’m walking with someone to class, chatting about the latest details of life.
I think I forget to listen. I’m really glad God speaks through people a lot of the time, because I feel I don’t spend nearly enough time just waiting on the Lord, waiting for Him to speak to me. And I’m not okay with that. Let me rephrase: I don’t want to be okay with that.
This coming season, I pray that I will be more diligent about spending intentional time with the Lord. I mean, He died for me. The least I can do is spend time with Him. For all the worship songs and Bible passages that I sing and read about God revealing Himself, I really do want to hear Him speak, to move my heart to be more in love with His. I want to wait on Him, to find my full fulfillment in Him, to rest in His perfect peace that surpasses all understanding.
And I pray that I won’t put that off.