How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
    How long will you hide your face from me?

I feel like a fool in my heart, the fool that says “there is no God”. What else can I feel like, when I have been made a fool? Do not let me doubt any longer, God. Speak and I will believe you, just reveal yourself to me, and I will believe, show up, and I will see you and rejoice. 

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
    and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
    How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Ask and I will be answered, seek and I will find, knock and the door will be opened? But all I hear are the echoes of my questions, all I see are the blank stares of errant thoughts and all I feel is rough, splintered wood of the old door rasping against my skin. My knuckles are bone dry. 

Look on me and answer, Lordmy God.
    Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,

I cannot survive without an answer: I do not see how anyone could. Perhaps they are braver than me, like they always say, that God is for the weak. Then weak I am, so weak that should you not answer me, I will die like the most distraught lover, like Dido without Aeneas. 

and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
    and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

Where is my enemy? Where is my foe? There is no longer an enemy in this world, only a casual indifference, an indifference that justifies injustice. 

But I trust in your unfailing love;
    my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I remember when I walked in knowledge that you love me, I remember when I thought of you and felt only joy, I remember when I was sure that you were so near to me, I could almost reach out and touch you.

I will sing the Lord’s praise,
    for he has been good to me.

I will sing your praise, for you have been good to me. Help me to sing your praise, for you have been good to me.

By Bradley Yam, Yale Saybrook ’21. Bradley is majoring in Ethics, Politics and Economics.

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